you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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