Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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