wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
