She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We got so high we made milksteak
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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