is your mom at the bar?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
