Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think your dad took our porno
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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