The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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