At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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