No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
