but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
