dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
