the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
