she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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