Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
