I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
