dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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