If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
