when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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