i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
