someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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