Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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