Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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