Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Are we still banned from the library?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
