i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
