You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
