My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
