yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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