What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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