i think my mom watched the whole time
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
