Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
