I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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