I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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