apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
