If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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