i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Green mimosas i think yes
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
