took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
