I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
