omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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