I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
