i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
