saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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