i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
