Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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