forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
