Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
