My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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