I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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