News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
