I love black thongs
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
