I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
