I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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