i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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