Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
