it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
be right there i have to get my cape
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
