I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I had to cum in my sink.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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