Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
