Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
