what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
