Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
